Grief

Grief is one heck of thing. Everyone grieves differently.
Some people get angry.
Some people busy themselves with stuff.
Some people keep it buried inside.
Some people grieve around others.
While some grieve only in private.

 Point being, grief is something everyone goes through.
 I've never felt grief to the degree I did until my father in law passed. It was a "first" in mine and Jason's marriage. The first parent to go. It's not something easy to go through. No it wasn't my parent.....but he may as well been. March 10, 2012.

 My husband had business out of town to attend to the night before. He had stayed with his aunt in Virginia before coming back home on the 10th. I received a phone call from him that Saturday morning at 9am. It was one that changed our life. I could barely hear him. "Hey", he said, "my dad died last night." I've never shot up out of bed any faster than that moment. "Your dad? You mean Mike Patterson?" (his biological dad) "No, Brune."

 I couldn't speak. It took me several moments. I layed my head in my hands. I looked over at my sleeping son and thought "Oh God. How will I tell him?"

 I remember asking what happened. Heart attack. In his sleep. He told me the events of how his mom found this out. (I'll save those details for just our family. Not something to put out in blog land) But yet, no tears. Shock maybe? Processing everything? Wondering how my husband was holding up? When was he to get home to me? How will he drive all the way home from Virginia in this state of being by himself? Thoughts swirling. We hung up. He promised to call me later.

 I called my mom. Then I cried. And cried. And cried more. She came over. We started online shopping for flights. We organized who would get the kids and take them to school. If she would stay here or the children go there. Details. All to keep busy. I didn't want my husband to have to do it. Or maybe I was doing it for selfish reasons. Reasons to keep my mind off of what we would have to face in the days, weeks, and years to come. There were no more tears from me while keeping busy.

 Fast forward to Missouri, where we finally saw his mother. Grief. Unimaginable grief. Grief so stinking thick you could slice it with a knife. As expected of course.

 I remember walking through the farm that he and Susan shared in Missouri. Goats, rabbits, chickens, plants......he loved to build things from scratch. He loved gardening. (Grown some of the best darn tomatoes around). I remember thinking, "He's gone." "I'll never fight with him again" (I think he loved to ruffle my feathers, which he did frequently) :)

 Telling my 5 year old was a beast. He loved Papa. Telling him Papa went to Heaven, he seemed to understand. He thought it was cool that papa gets to talk to Jesus. But one night tore me up. It was several months later and Christian, Jason and I were sitting there watching TV. I think Grace had already gone to bed. (She was still to little to even understand what was going on). While watching TV, Christian all of a sudden started crying and turned around and fell into my arms. "Baby!! What's wrong?" I remember asking him. "I miss Papa!!" he cries. I tear up and look at Jason. Jason gets up, walks out the room and returns with a photo album. They start looking at pictures of Papa. One particular picture, my husband is very fond of. It's a picture of him and his dad at our wedding. It's still on our frig where it will always stay.

 I blog about this because 1. This blog started out designed to keep Susan and "Papa" Mike updated with our lives and children's lives when they moved 14 hours away from us.
2. Since his passing, I haven't blogged anything.
3. We are coming up on the 2 year anniversary of his death and I just figured it may help write all this out to cope with it. Yes, it's still hard. Even after 2 years.

 I find myself thinking of him even more now because I would LOVE to plant a garden and HE would be just the right person to get advice from. But yet, I can't. I don't claim to hurt more than my husband. I KNOW his hurt runs so much deeper than mine. But it still hurts. So, I dedicate this blog post to you, Mike Brune. May you rest in peace, you old fart. (He is totally laughing at that right now)

  "That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither- whatever they do prospers." Psalms 1:3

Update for my sister

Ok so I was told by my sister that she would die of boredom if I didn't update the blog soon. So, Christy, here ya go. I've updated the blog. I hope you are not bored anymore. Love you. Later! HA!

Daddy/Daughter Dance

Every little girl dreams of a prince rescuing her. Mine dreams of Shrek and donkey saving her while she is in the tower. (Yeah I know, I should probably let her watch things more "princess-y" but ya know, she's got to learn that most of the men are Ogers. (or donkeys) HA!) Hehehe anyway, but really the first "prince" that a little girl has is her daddy.

So when the daddy/daughter dance rolled around at the church, we dressed Grace up and her daddy cleaned up really nice and they went on their date.

This was the first time she had had her hair curled.





Don't they look so beautiful?

They really enjoyed their date. Then after the dance they went out to eat at IHOP. They should definetely go on more daddy/daughter dates.

So here are some pictures that I wanted to show of Grace and Christian laying on the couch together. They fight like cats and dogs but at the end of the day, they are best buds.

I told them here to make a silly face.

Then I told them to smile real nice. :)

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

I admit it

Ok so yes, I admit it, I SUCK at this blogging thing. I don't even know when the last time was that I blogged. I feel horrible. But since it's been so stinking cold (well, some days) I haven't really did much with my camera. I prefer outdoor shots with the natural lightening. All the indoor shots either look way over board with the flash or to yellow. Something I should work on. Anyway, I hope to have my boutique business growing this year. Hopefully by the end of this year I will be so busy that I can actually see some income coming in.

I've also been babysitting the cutest baby 4 days a week. That brings in some income that I use to buy the fabric with and stuff for the boutique.

On top of all that, I'm busy with bible studies, laundry, and frankly, just everyday living.

Kids are growing like weeds. Grace is THE diva! For her birthday I am going to tell everyone to get her dress up clothes and shoes. Hopefully that way I can keep her out of her closet!! I know I've cleaned that thing 10 times in the last 3 days! Maybe I can even get Pa to build her a little dress up closet!! (Pa, if you are reading this, that was a hint! :) Love you!!)

Christian is doing excellent in school. Impressing his teachers with his mad reading skills! HA! That child is doing so well with his reading. Last night at AWANA he read a Dr. Seuss book to me. He has some trouble with some of the bigger words naturally, but we encourage him to sound them out and look at the pictures for clues as to what it should say.
He is also has mad math skills! Better than me even. Jason has started quizzing him while we ride down the road with things like 5+4-3 is what? That child will spit some of those answers out like he owned it. I'm still up front counting it out on my fingers! He amazes me with his smarts.
I've also caught myself telling him how smart he is. Which at first doesn't appear to be a bad thing. But I don't want him getting a big head about it all. And plus we always try to incorporate God in our daily lives so I've started asking him WHO made him that smart? His answer? God did. Good boy.

Alot of changes have taken place so far this year. For one, our church has stopped doing Sunday School and started doing in home groups. Ours still meet on Sunday morning at someones house. So far it is allowing us to become closer as individuals so we can "live life together". (Motto for the small groups)
Also, after going to the doctor, she told me I suffered from depression. I have been put on a medication that has completely turned my life around. I went from hating my husband, to loving him and appreciating all he does for us. I went from never wanting to play with my children, to can't wait for the weather to warm up so we can go spend all day together. I went from laying on the couch exhausted (for no reason), to laying on the floor playing games with the children. From not caring about a single thing going on in this house, to wanting to make major changes.
I know that may seem exaggerated but I'm telling you it's not. Anybody around me can tell you how this medication has helped me.

Another change that I will undoubtedly fail at (only because I am merely human) is the live my life according to what God would want for me. I want to raise my children up in church and I pray they come to know and love God and accept Him into their lives at the earliest age possible. I strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman who her husband and children "rise up and called her blessed". And I strive to make God a priority in my everyday life. I believe it is important for my family to know Him as well. So with that said, I am going to be ending all my posts with a scripture that has either been on my mind lately or something I've read in my daily reading.
Today I leave you with Jeremiah 29:11 which I have claimed as my life verse.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

To the Pumpkin Patch we go!!!!!!!!!

So we have been trying to make it a tradition of sorts to get our hinies to the pumpkin patch every year around Halloween. My main purpose this year of going was to get some pumpkins to carve. I really wanted to that this year. Turns out that I had forgot all about us needing pumpkins for the Sunday School social so we ended up using our pumpkins for that instead. Oh well. We still have fun. See these faces? They didn't care what we were getting the pumpkins for!

We really enjoyed the hayride that took us back to the pumpkin patches.

So we finally made it to the pumpkins. Now to find the PERFECT one!

Found one!!! (Keep in mind now that this was only the first one he picked up. He ended up putting it back and finding another one. Putting that one back and finding yet another one. We ended up having to tell him that the next pumpkin he picked up was HIS!!

STRONG man!!!! Having difficulties. :)



Grace found one just her size. Small and petite!

See our pumpkins?


I love Graces face in this one!

Ut oh! Now WE are the pumpkins!!

Cuties on a haystack. :)

After we got done pickin our pumpkins and enjoying our hayride, we got ice cream!!!

Perfect ending to a perfect day!

Happy Halloween!!!!

I would like to introduce to you: Jessie and Buzz Lightyear. As you see in the picture below, Jessie is just the cutest southern cowgirl in the south. She can swoon your socks right off your feet with that precious little face of hers. Not leaving out Buzz, oh no. His southern charm will make your head spin. All though here lately, there must be to much space litter clouding his thoughts because he hasn't been the charmiest boy there is! :) (You like my made up word don't you?)

Buzz and Jessie had a "social" event to attend. Yes, they are popular! Their parents Sunday school class got together to celebrate Halloween they good ol' hospitable way they knew how. Below is a group pictures of all the cute little people in their costumes. Jessie, of course, is not present in the picture because her mom took away Buzz's wings from her. Buzz should know that he can't fly without his wings! And Jessie should know that the wings only work on Buzz. Mom should know better than to take something away from a 2 year old Jessie! (Especially right before a picture!!!)

At this social event, there were pumpkin paintings!!!! Since some of the smaller kids couldn't handle paint then the parents (this time, I assuming after some lessons learned) decided to give the kids markers and stickers to "paint" their pumpkins! :)

Who wants candy???? (of course Jessie raises her hand. She has an addiction to sugar like it's a drug!! Funny story coming up soon!)

Patiently waiting for the Piniata!

So then there was this thing at school. The school wasn't allowing the children to dress up this year for whatever reason. But we made the best of it. It was Red Ribbon week and Friday was designated for Tie-Dye or Peace sign day. After deciding there was not a Tye-Die shirt to be found, I made him one. The teachers loved it and wants me to make them one as well! HA! Okay back to Halloween. The room teacher decided with the teacher that Halloween was going to be full of candy anyway so we did a practical life lessons instead. The students were given a sugar cookie. They were to spread their icing onto the cookie and then were allowed to pour sprinkles on top. The children loved it! Of course Christian didn't want his sugar cookie. He is definitely not my child who enjoys sweets!!!

So that just covers up to Friday. Friday evening the children were invited to a Halloween Bash that a friend of theirs were throwing. There were swings..........

Face painting..........................

And hayrides!..................

Not to mention, the enormous amount of food, the bouncy house (which my children refused) and the trampoline! FUN times!!!!

Saturday brought us another Halloween "party" with another pinata, candy making, pin the tail on the donkey and just good ol' fashion play time! I took my camera but, gasp!, didn't use it. I did however get some video of the pinata action and a few still shots with my iphone camera.

Now, I bring you Halloween day/night. God is so gracious to us. Have I mentioned that lately? It started raining here around 10:30am. Suppose to stop around 3, but it never did. Actually it was raining pretty hard around that time. So we started making alternate plans. We were going to meet up at a friends house around 5:30 and head over to the mall to trick or treat. I didn't like the idea, thinking how crowded it was going to be!!!! I know of kids all over that was praying for the rain to stop. I know some big kids who were doing the same (me.). We got in our car to go over to our friends house. No rain. I could actually see the sun for the first time that entire day. Makes me want to cry to think about how God knows our deepest wishes. And cares enough about us to give it to us occasionally. Jesus loves the little children, my how that song is so true. He loves them so much that He did not want to disappoint them by raining on their parade. SO.....we decide to go to a nearby neighborhood. WOW! When we pulled in the cars had already lined the streets and there were children and parents EVERYWHERE!!!! Kids running from house to house, parents running after them, some on foot, others in golf carts. I mean, it was JUST like when I was a kid going trick or treating!!!! How AWESOME that my children were experiencing that!!!! I was so scared that the trick or treating I had done as a kid was fast becoming obsolete.
Once again, God is good. Gives us our hearts desires. Wow.

Ok, again, meet Buzz and Jessie.






















Jessie kept wanting to "YEE-HAWW!!!!" for my camera.

Our first house. Buzz thought it was like a store where you can say "oh I don't want that one, I want this one". Thankfully the man thought it was funny and cute and just gave in to Buzz's demands. Maybe he was scared of getting lasered.

Took some time to get the children to understand they had to say trick or treat to get candy. Then of course to remember to say thank you after they got it. Yes, I want well mannered trick or treater children. :)














So, I promised a funny story a while back. Remember I spoke about Jessie's addiction to sugar? Ok well. After we left the very first house (which was a friend of Mandy's, who we went trick or treating with) we had a short drive to get to the neighborhood which we stayed the rest of the night. Of course the children had to be buckled and in doing so dad took Grace's bucket of candy and put it on the floor. You would have thought we were beating her to death. She screamed to the top of her lungs, "I WANT MY CANDY BACK!!!! I WANT MY CANDY BACK!!!! I WANT MY CANDY BACK!!!!!" And they were not full crying yells. Oh no. They were full of anger too. Looks like we need not only rehab for her sugar addiction but we may need to see about anger management classes too. Hmmm, I wonder if they take them that young? :)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!